Over the past ten years I’ve been working deep in the sexuality fields.
I’ve worked as a seduction and pick up coach for men, as a tantric bodyworker, I lived in the centre of a BDSM kink community and a tantric yoga community. I created what at the time was Australia biggest residential sexuality festival called Sex Camp and attended various other sexuality festivals held by others, I have held space for thousands of women and men in the erotic initiation experience Dancing Eros that I created, I’ve done hundreds of private coaching sessions….
Yep reckon over the past decade I’ve been directly and intimately able to witness and be part of thousands and thousands of peoples embodiment and relationship to their sexuality.
Over this time I’ve become extremely finessed at tracking the energetics of intimacy, sexual expression and energy. It’s become of my areas of mastery for sure (I actually have a knack of being able to pick what some is like as a lover and what kind of things they enjoy or the exact thing that will open them just by watching them move and speak!)
Sometimes I wonder how or why I got involved in this field to be honest… I guess the scorpio rising in my just enjoyed going where the edges were and the reality is sexuality is the most primal force on the planet and the whole reason we are here as a species, so you know I guess some part of me was like - lets just get to the juice of it shall we?
It’s been an absolute privilege to witness a lot of beauty, healing and freedom in these spaces and it’s often what i’ve talked about here over the years and been such an advocate for.
At the same time something I have been less inclined to really name is the absolutely epic levels of distortions that exist in the sexual liberation communities and the greater world at large.
For some of you what I’m about to say may seem overly conservative, puritanical and judgemental; especially those of you that are still of the narrative that “all sexual expression is beautiful and we shouldn’t shame it, everyone is free to express how they like and all of it is sacred” etc
However these days..I tend to disagree.
What I have experienced over the years is that sexual purity is RARE as fuck and is desperately needed to restore health to humanity.
When I say purity what do I mean?
I mean sex that is free from distortion, programs, disassociations, perversions, agendas and collective or personal traumas that have kinked out our nervous systems and perverted the innocence and beautiful naturalness of our sex.
By purity I mean sex that is deeply connected to the heart.
I mean sex as as expression of love.
Sex is a deeply intimate act, to have someone inside of you, to be inside of someone, to open and let go and reveal and bond ourselves with each other in the deepest way possible.
Sex from this place of sensitivity and true safety is one of the most jaw, dropping, holy things to experience in another and in yourself, it will make you cry, it will totally change who you are and take you to states of bliss, wonder and awe that bring you to your knees in trembling worship at the beauty and the blessing of this incarnation.
Yet the amount of people actually experiencing that is rare.
Sex everywhere selling everything, billboards. magazines, the music industry and movies, the conditioning is so deep and so rife supporting others to continually numb out the heart, desensitise from the vulnerability of sex and violate and objectify themselves and each other in subtle and not so subtle ways.
Sex has been phenomenally cheapened by the western world by being treated with so much frivolous lightness that it is now lost it’s true value its like a lust obsessed monster that’s just gone off the rails.
Starting early for many with the rush to lose our virginity and get laid, to get to 4th base or swipe our way to the next conquest.
Perhaps it is a societal swing back reaction from christianity, religion and the victorian era that made us all out to be sinful creatures so we are now trying to rebel and reclaim our power that was suppressed and repressed.
But like any reaction it’s still not really integrated or healthy in its expression. Underactivate or overactive it still hasn’t found balance.
This is not just a mainstream thing but is wildly present in a lot of the sexual liberation movements too.
I’ve seen so many things over the years that were in the name of ‘sexual freedom’ but just looked like the same distorted shit different outfit to me.
I’ve witnessed deeply avoidant dissociative behaviours being disguised in the name of polyamory, open relating or sex magic orgies.
I’ve seen tantra teachers who are really just sex addicts acting in deeply predatory ways with their students.
I’ve seen women dance with so much distorted sex kitten, child abuse programming you can’t even feel them breathing its like they are possessed.
I’ve seen people beating each other or whipping each other so hard that they bleed in the name of ecstasy and turn on.
Ive had a man ask me to donate my faeces to him because this was his sexual desire despite him needing to take medication afterwards because he would get sick.
and much more…
Over the years I’ve had to ask myself,
Is all of this really healthy?
Is all of this really an act of love?
Is this really supporting us to heal and become whole and healthy humans?
I’m not saying this to all shame these things…I get we are all collectively trying to work our way to wholeness always.
But when we have a culture that has a philosophy that says ALL IS WELCOME. WE ARE SO LIBERATED. When actually those very things are leaving you sick, bleeding, bruised, empty, broken or lonely.
I think we have to check ourselves.
Right now I just feel pretty much done with the whole over sexualised liberation culture and find a lot of it majorly distorted and a bit of a turn off really.
I’ve been there and done that - and yeah you know what in my super ‘liberated’ days I also got bladder infections every few weeks -(hmm could that have perhaps been my body telling me that I wasn’t actually in total alignment with that kind of sex with strangers ’freedom’?)
I get a sense there is a shift happening in the psyche of our collective around this right now too.
One way this shift is reflected is in this sudden explosion of protecting children from sexualisation and abuse (the trafficking stuff, cuties, etc)
This is a very real issue however the only way we will actually be able to guide and support and protect our children in a clean way is if we do our own inner work too on our INNER CHILDREN.
To save ourselves first from the abuse we are putting them through every time we fuck someone we don’t love or push or rush ourselves to be erotic too soon, every time we participate in a conditioned distortion of over sexualisation that has been implanted into us and forget our innocence.
If we can learn to become so attuned to our own nervous systems and cultivate safety of the heart in sex then we will all become natural guides and educators for the next generation and know exactly how to skilfully support our children to be safe, empowered and healthy in their sexuality because we are.
Sexual energy is a HUGE FORCE and huge powerful forces of energy need to be treated with the greatest reverence respect as they have the power to radically transform us and radically do some real damage.
Most of the time when I engage with people personally and professionally I witness such a rush and a push, such a rush to get to the kiss or get to the next base or get to the final goal, to get to the action.
I used to be like this too, I used to base my worth in my sex, I was in the race to lose my virginity alongside all my friends, I used to think there was something ‘wrong’ if i wasn’t having sex all the time. I used to ask my ex partner for it harder and faster and stronger all the time because I was so desensitised from body I thought that was what i really needed to feel anything.
The more I have come into my heart and have released trauma from my body the more I recognise I actually need to go slow. I need the build up. I need the safety and connection and love to be there to access the depths that are available to really unfurl all the deliciousness inside of me and share that with another.
So much is lost when we rush, when we leave our inner children behind and over sexualise ourselves and each other and go too fast.
Restoring sexual purity and innocence is not about rejecting the primal wildness, passion and rawness that is an amazing aspect of our sexual expression but about slowly down enough that this intensity and passion births from a place of deep safety, care and reverence for the sacred miracle of our bodies so all our sex becomes a prayer of devotion to each other and an act of love.
Call me frigid, call me delusional, call me precious or a puritan.
But I’ve seen and experienced too much to hold any other position anymore.
Not in the the name of permission or liberation, not in the name of freeing myself or others from shame or guilt or oppression.
Not in the name of lightening up. Or getting off or just having a bit of fun.
Sex without love can suck a dick.
... or not. 😂
True sexual liberation is innocent, pure, beautiful, nature, organic and I am here for nothing less than that.