So I have a confession to make.
As much I am a leader in self expression particularly sexual expression, an advocate and permission granter to all you to put of yourself out there and to not hold back…
There’s something I have been holding back.
About a month ago now I received back some images from a photo shoot I did.
When I received them I gasped. Some of them were SO fucking sexy and I could immediately feel how resistant I was to sharing them with anyone.
Never one to ignore a twinge of resistance I've been pondering this reaction and what underlies it ever since. I've been chatting with different women, picking and clearing through the pieces of my psyche and getting a hold of what lay beneath this fear. I knew this was not the first time I withheld sharing something I really loved of myself – actually, I have lots of videos I film particularly of me dancing and singing and many pictures that have been taken of me that remain hidden away in my computer.
Now for many that might seem normal – as it goes most 'normal' people choose to keep the intimate parts of themselves private and share very little of their deeper selves with the public. But for me – I am a massive advocate of Sharing ALL OF YOU. I believe sharing fully, intimately, honestly about ourselves with others is one way we will really heal this world – because within that sharing we dissolve the separation, we stop being a perfect ‘public figure’ to pedestal and start being a human fucking being. I believe the world is realness deficient and experiencing an authenticity famine and we are CRAVING IT so bad. Craving the nourishment and sigh of relief that comes from recognising through the confessions of another that we aren’t alone.
However what I’ve realised about my theory and how I put it into practice is I am much more comfortable sharing my vulnerabilities and struggles than I am in fully shining and sharing my light – particularly my creative and sexual expression.
Although I am here speaking and claiming and teaching full expression and sexual empowerment. I’m actually shit scared to really put that part of myself out there. Ha ha ha…
And you know why I’m scared?