Over the past ten years I’ve been working deep in the sexuality fields.
I’ve worked as a seduction and pick up coach for men, as a tantric bodyworker, I lived in the centre of a BDSM kink community and a tantric yoga community. I created what at the time was Australia biggest residential sexuality festival called Sex Camp and attended various other sexuality festivals held by others, I have held space for thousands of women and men in the erotic initiation experience Dancing Eros that I created, I’ve done hundreds of private coaching sessions….
Yep reckon over the past decade I’ve been directly and intimately able to witness and be part of thousands and thousands of peoples embodiment and relationship to their sexuality.
Over this time I’ve become extremely finessed at tracking the energetics of intimacy, sexual expression and energy. It’s become of my areas of mastery for sure (I actually have a knack of being able to pick what some is like as a lover and what kind of things they enjoy or the exact thing that will open them just by watching them move and speak!)
Sometimes I wonder how or why I got involved in this field to be honest… I guess the scorpio rising in my just enjoyed going where the edges were and the reality is sexuality is the most primal force on the planet and the whole reason we are here as a species, so you know I guess some part of me was like - lets just get to the juice of it shall we?
It’s been an absolute privilege to witness a lot of beauty, healing and freedom in these spaces and it’s often what i’ve talked about here over the years and been such an advocate for.
At the same time something I have been less inclined to really name is the absolutely epic levels of distortions that exist in the sexual liberation communities and the greater world at large.
For some of you what I’m about to say may seem overly conservative, puritanical and judgemental; especially those of you that are still of the narrative that “all sexual expression is beautiful and we shouldn’t shame it, everyone is free to express how they like and all of it is sacred” etc
However these days..I tend to disagree.
What I have experienced over the years is that sexual purity is RARE as fuck and is desperately needed to restore health to humanity.
When I say purity what do I mean?
I mean sex that is free from distortion, programs, disassociations, perversions, agendas and collective or personal traumas that have kinked out our nervous systems and perverted the innocence and beautiful naturalness of our sex.
By purity I mean sex that is deeply connected to the heart.
I mean sex as as expression of love.
Sex is a deeply intimate act, to have someone inside of you, to be inside of someone, to open and let go and reveal and bond ourselves with each other in the deepest way possible.
Sex from this place of sensitivity and true safety is one of the most jaw, dropping, holy things to experience in another and in yourself, it will make you cry, it will totally change who you are and take you to states of bliss, wonder and awe that bring you to your knees in trembling worship at the beauty and the blessing of this incarnation.
Yet the amount of people actually experiencing that is rare.
Sex everywhere selling everything, billboards. magazines, the music industry and movies, the conditioning is so deep and so rife supporting others to continually numb out the heart, desensitise from the vulnerability of sex and violate and objectify themselves and each other in subtle and not so subtle ways.
Sex has been phenomenally cheapened by the western world by being treated with so much frivolous lightness that it is now lost it’s true value its like a lust obsessed monster that’s just gone off the rails.
Starting early for many with the rush to lose our virginity and get laid, to get to 4th base or swipe our way to the next conquest.
Perhaps it is a societal swing back reaction from christianity, religion and the victorian era that made us all out to be sinful creatures so we are now trying to rebel and reclaim our power that was suppressed and repressed.
But like any reaction it’s still not really integrated or healthy in its expression. Underactivate or overactive it still hasn’t found balance.
This is not just a mainstream thing but is wildly present in a lot of the sexual liberation movements too.
I’ve seen so many things over the years that were in the name of ‘sexual freedom’ but just looked like the same distorted shit different outfit to me.
I’ve witnessed deeply avoidant dissociative behaviours being disguised in the name of polyamory, open relating or sex magic orgies.
I’ve seen tantra teachers who are really just sex addicts acting in deeply predatory ways with their students.
I’ve seen women dance with so much distorted sex kitten, child abuse programming you can’t even feel them breathing its like they are possessed.
I’ve seen people beating each other or whipping each other so hard that they bleed in the name of ecstasy and turn on.
Ive had a man ask me to donate my faeces to him because this was his sexual desire despite him needing to take medication afterwards because he would get sick.
and much more…
Over the years I’ve had to ask myself,
Is all of this really healthy?
Is all of this really an act of love?
Is this really supporting us to heal and become whole and healthy humans?
I’m not saying this to all shame these things…I get we are all collectively trying to work our way to wholeness always.
But when we have a culture that has a philosophy that says ALL IS WELCOME. WE ARE SO LIBERATED. When actually those very things are leaving you sick, bleeding, bruised, empty, broken or lonely.
I think we have to check ourselves.
Right now I just feel pretty much done with the whole over sexualised liberation culture and find a lot of it majorly distorted and a bit of a turn off really.
I’ve been there and done that - and yeah you know what in my super ‘liberated’ days I also got bladder infections every few weeks -(hmm could that have perhaps been my body telling me that I wasn’t actually in total alignment with that kind of sex with strangers ’freedom’?)
I get a sense there is a shift happening in the psyche of our collective around this right now too.
One way this shift is reflected is in this sudden explosion of protecting children from sexualisation and abuse (the trafficking stuff, cuties, etc)
This is a very real issue however the only way we will actually be able to guide and support and protect our children in a clean way is if we do our own inner work too on our INNER CHILDREN.
To save ourselves first from the abuse we are putting them through every time we fuck someone we don’t love or push or rush ourselves to be erotic too soon, every time we participate in a conditioned distortion of over sexualisation that has been implanted into us and forget our innocence.
If we can learn to become so attuned to our own nervous systems and cultivate safety of the heart in sex then we will all become natural guides and educators for the next generation and know exactly how to skilfully support our children to be safe, empowered and healthy in their sexuality because we are.
Sexual energy is a HUGE FORCE and huge powerful forces of energy need to be treated with the greatest reverence respect as they have the power to radically transform us and radically do some real damage.
Most of the time when I engage with people personally and professionally I witness such a rush and a push, such a rush to get to the kiss or get to the next base or get to the final goal, to get to the action.
I used to be like this too, I used to base my worth in my sex, I was in the race to lose my virginity alongside all my friends, I used to think there was something ‘wrong’ if i wasn’t having sex all the time. I used to ask my ex partner for it harder and faster and stronger all the time because I was so desensitised from body I thought that was what i really needed to feel anything.
The more I have come into my heart and have released trauma from my body the more I recognise I actually need to go slow. I need the build up. I need the safety and connection and love to be there to access the depths that are available to really unfurl all the deliciousness inside of me and share that with another.
So much is lost when we rush, when we leave our inner children behind and over sexualise ourselves and each other and go too fast.
Restoring sexual purity and innocence is not about rejecting the primal wildness, passion and rawness that is an amazing aspect of our sexual expression but about slowly down enough that this intensity and passion births from a place of deep safety, care and reverence for the sacred miracle of our bodies so all our sex becomes a prayer of devotion to each other and an act of love.
Call me frigid, call me delusional, call me precious or a puritan.
But I’ve seen and experienced too much to hold any other position anymore.
Not in the the name of permission or liberation, not in the name of freeing myself or others from shame or guilt or oppression.
Not in the name of lightening up. Or getting off or just having a bit of fun.
Sex without love can suck a dick.
... or not. 😂
True sexual liberation is innocent, pure, beautiful, nature, organic and I am here for nothing less than that.
“How are you able to be so compassionate and loving with yourself?”
I asked this question of a particularly gentle friend of mine over breakfast one morning, curious how he had come to hold such a space of love for himself.
“Well I’ve made a lot of mistakes, hurt a lot of people and done a lot of stupid shit in my life, so to be honest it was either learn that skill or kill myself”
Woah.. The truth of his words blew me away in that moment and they came back to me this morning as I sat reflecting on areas where my own ignorance or naivety has unknowingly caused harm to others and what I would like to begin to do about that.
I know many of us are going through this right now, and we will continue to do because to uncover what we did not see before is part of evolution and growth.
To become aware of our limitations, blindness and unconscious behaviours as well as fully acknowledging their impact can be painful, uncomfortable AF and heartbreaking to face and to feel despite how important it is.
Yet what is equally important is how we treat ourselves in that process.
If the awareness of your wrongs ends up with you hating yourself and spiralling into punishment and cruelty then I think we have to ask what good did it really do?
We can powerfully wake up and atone without beating ourselves up for what has been and turning our new awareness into a big fat stick that we flagellate ourselves (or others) with.
So keep doing the work people, keep uncovering the shadows, exposing your wounds, recognising where you’ve been unconscious or out of integrity and recognise what needs to now change.
It is big and important work.
But remember to do it with love.
Because awareness without compassion is a dangerous thing.
You did the best you could with what you knew.
And now you can do better.
God is a dominant.
A deeply loving sexy as fuck dominant.
Who continually whispers in my ear all the plans he has in store for me,
All the things he’s going to do to me.
And it makes me feel
God is a loving dominant.
Who looks deep into my eyes and says,
"This is what we are going to do next”
Pinning me down with so much presence that I am rendered speechless.
Yet even though I know surrendering is the only way,
and by doing so i’m about to be taken way over my edge into new tastes and states
Even though I know a whole world awaits.
Some days, I’m still terrified by his commands.
wriggle out of his hold
and go at it alone.
Yet deep down I know
If I can just trust his direction,
If I can just breath through my fear,
Remind myself that he is on my side,
that we are a team,
That he wants more for me than i could even dream,
Sees a life for me that is beyond what I could ever imagine.
Then as another wise man once said - Oh the places we will go!
I say yes,
I get down on my knees
Bow my head in respect
I get on all fours
and open my legs.
I become his instrument
In service to the beyond
I allow him to take me in whatever way he wants.
I submit myself
to the will of
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When we trust that we are an intimately and intricately connected to and part of the greater whole,
then there is no need to violate universal law.
Sneaky manoeuvres to try to gain power and control are not needed,
When we realise love can never be destroyed, bought or sold.
Yet many right now are sure they know how things will turn out.
What is the right or wrong way or the appropriate plan of attack.
Righteously banging on about what they want or don’t want.
All just freaked out inner children attempting to play god.
Until we let go of our false sense of security we will continue to need to manipulate and dominate in order to feel safety.
Yet that will never satisfy or nourish this need, because any successes achieved or gifts received through this distorted method simply cannot sustainably flourish from that kind of seed.
Because the very ground it has sprouted from is steeped in a soil full of fear and confusion, a tragic scarcity based illusion and a profound disconnection from the true cyclical nature of our evolution.
This remembering is deeply exposing because it takes us back to the helplessness and fragility that is at the core of our human existence and all the places inside of us where we are in still in major resistance.
Still trying to hold on and have it all our way.
Still thinking we are immortal that can control our fate.
Still desperate to not face our inevitable death and decay.
Deeply disconnected from the greater ecosystem that has something very different to say.
The molecular structure of control and manipulation is coded with primal survival fears and a lack of consecration to loves continuous presence despite the current manifestation.
Whether it be deeply heartwarming or completely horrifying recognising whatever is happening is a part of life’s sacred unfolding.
This inability to recognise the yin/yang, death/rebirth cycle doing its thing causes us humans to always try to ‘do our bit’ and step in.
This rampant use of control and manipulation requires some serious reconsideration as it is completely f* king with what is natural and sacred.
And this isn’t about pointing fingers, deciding who is the enemy trying to take our power away.
But about considering maybe none of us were ever meant to believe we had so much in the first place.
Maybe we are all guilty of believing we were more infallible than we ever really were.
And it’s time to get humble, bow down and listen to her.
Letting the personal ego-ic desires fall apart and fade away, as we curl up in the great mother’s arms and let ourselves feel the depth of our grief all the way.
Opening up wide and letting ourselves surrender and fall.
As we simultaneously say yes to our role in the collective consciousness shift taking place for us all.
And where to start?
How do we get through?
I mean it feels so overwhelming right?
What do we do?
Take everything online?
Cash in our money for gold?
Expose the deep state powers that be?
A broken system is failing for sure and there’s a scrambling from many to keep it alive.
Yet maybe the answer is to just let the current system die.
The world was doing just fine before we arrived, and it will continue to do so once we’ve all said goodbye.
Im not being nihilistic either, it’s total possible we can thrive and survive, all the solutions are all available right now written in nature’s design.
In indigenous wisdom, in ancient ways; sustainable regeneration is absolutely possible if we were really willing to change.
There’s no way this will happen though if we don’t each individually do our part.
Cause when we still hold the same frequency of manipulation and control inside of ourselves we’ll keep feeding a system that’s destroying us fast.
Now more than ever our inner work is a priority.
As we prepare for the inevitable chaos that is coming for society.
Who do you want be when the world as we know it is ending?
This is the question right now that requires our deepest tending.
So perhaps take some time with yourself while you are locked down in isolation at home.
Look at all the controlling places deep inside of YOU that always desperately need to know.
All the ways YOU manipulate to feel powerful and safe, All the ways YOU run from chaos or try to get your own way.
Look at all the ways you fear death and want a sure thing.
Look at the ways you’ve been trying to hold it all together and desperately cling.
Look at all the ways you want to blame and shame.
Face all the parts of you that have been playing the same game.
Cleanse all of that out and let your own molecules rearrange.
Return to the purity and innocence that Is your natural state.
Because no matter what happens next, If we do the inner work we can trust.
That a new world IS birthing And its starting inside of us.
Thanks for reading!
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He’s not your knight in shining armour
He’s not your future prince
He’s not your happily ever after fairytale
Here to save you with a kiss.
He’s not the Shiva to your Shakti.
He’s not your twin flame
You’re running your daddy issues with this dude
I’m sorry, but it’s gotta be named.
What if you completely dropped the wounded story that you are traumatised, broken and there is something wrong with you?
What if you let go of more healing,
more figuring things out,
and just went full power into creating your life just as you are?
How dare you.
Try to package me.
Price tag me.
Pimp me out like your whore.
How dare you.
Try to Factory farm the goddess.
Putting pumps on my tits and cunt.
Demanding my milk and honey to flow on your command.
How dare you.
Anything hiding in the shadows of our psyche that we have cast out as not okay, unloveable or undesirable has power over us.
It blocks our relaxed, natural, authentic, expression,
it cuts off our abundance, our ability to have success and create freely,
it reduces our attractiveness, magnetism and desirability.
It stops our life force from flowing freely.
Loving and embracing all parts of ourselves is huge.
And everyone has a different shadow, shame, kink or block that is particular to them.
And just like that, there you go again.
Rushing, stressing moving in the world as if it’s going to end today.
Overwhelmed, frazzled, busy as fuck
Moving like your life depends on getting to the end of some illusionary finish line.
Doesn't matter what it is really,
There's a stressful tempo of go, go, go.
Urgently, frantically, ON
Rushing through your shower, your breakfast, sex, the next big project, all the things that need doing and deciding and finishing.
Regularly arriving late and breathless, cramming for a deadline, cumming hard and fast for the finish line.
Adrenaline, caffeine, cortisol, addicted to the rush of chaos, passionate triggers, tight tension and the weight of responsibility
We all struggle with something.
You cannot get away with not having shit you have to deal with in your life.
Experiences where there are wounds, ouchy bits, missing links, bumps in the road and areas where you just can't seem to get your shit together.
The thing is though, the issue is not the struggles themselves.
The issue is how we relate and respond to the struggles.
Because the reality of life is challenges and flaws will ALWAYS be there.
You cannot get rid of them EVER.
To grow and evolve is to learn and fuck up, to take one step forward and two steps back and that is the human journey.
And when you can humbly accept that the flaws and fuck ups are never going to end then you can stop harshly beating yourself up when they inevitably keep coming.
You can stop trying in vain to desperately clear away all your shit to become perfect and start doing the real work which is learning how to be graceful and loving with yourself and others in the messy process that being a human is.
Then when you witness your shit show up in yourself or your life, when you see that same pattern, that same trauma reoccurring, another hurdle, another flaw;