I just got a complaint from the real estate with "reports of strange noises and activity"
Yes I have sex loudly, We dance and make music and are not afraid to express our sounds of pleasure, pain, excitement and pain in our home.
Why do we live in a society where that is considered 'strange' and not completely fucking healthy and normal?
I've lived in various sex positive communities all over the world where the sounds of your neighbours or housemates pleasure and expression was heard every other day. i would regularly hear moans and screams of delight in my neighbourhood. If it was late and I really needed sleep - earplugs worked wonders, if it was a normal time of the day - I actually really enjoyed it, even found it inspiring!
It was really obvious to me when I came back to live in the 'real world' how very rarely I EVER heard anyone having sex, even when I lived in a tiny apartment with couples above and below me.
Seriously...How does that work?
My guess is people just aren't having it, or when they are doing it very quietly, 'keeping it down' putting a pillow over their mouth or holding their breath and keeping it all in.
When we block our sound we block off the way energy moves through our body. Our pleasure, our pain, our sadness, anger, excitement when we dont let out sound we literally shut ourselves down. When we make sound and make it loud we can allow energy to move through our body and free ourselves up to be fully connected and communicate whats happening in our body.
But fuck we seriously still have so much collective shame about making sound and about sex itself and so we keep quiet to 'respect each other' and not 'disturb the neighbours'
I read this article awhile ago which was all these images of real notes left for neighbours complaining about the sex being made in their building.
'shut the fuck up, we know you're faking it anyway'
'Please keep it down it sounds like you are being murdered'
etc etc etc...shame shame shame.
It was meant to be a funny article but for me it was fucking sad and a total example of this collective sex repressed culture we are agreeing to live in and continuing to perpetuate by shutting each other down rather than celebrating each other.
There is a deep unconscious sexual shame that we still hold that sex is dirty, disturbing and not beautiful and natural is fucking rife in our society that's why.This goes beyond just sex, but also about our relationship to full expression and sound in general.
I know even if I'm out in public when I make moans or sounds of pleasure, joy, relaxation, shock people will often look at me a little bit funny, often not even in a rude way, just kind of shocked that someone is breaking this unconscious 'keep it quiet out in public' code. This hidden collective agreement that our sounds are 'weird' or 'over the top' rather than completely natural responses to energy moving in our body is seriously fucked up.
This isn't anything about respecting or disrespecting people. I generally don't have really loud sexy times after 10/11pm to respect the neighbours need for rest.
But every other time of the day I am going to do what I want.
Really think about this.
Right now I can hear the whipper snipper going so loudly next door....Does that justify me making a complaint for disturbing and strange noises?
No...because whipper snippers don't activate my own shame about my body and my pleasure.
if we keep waiting for the world to be comfortable with our expression then we may be waiting a long time. if we want the world to change and be a safe space for us then going along with the status quo and 'keeping it down' isn't going to change shit.
A woman who worked with me told me once that she had the police called on her because she was being so expressive in her sexual expression with herself in her own home.
When the cops knocked on the door to enquire, she simply smiled and told them she was just masturbating and totally fine thanks :)
If she had acted embarrassed, apologetic shy or made up some story about how her cat had gotten a rare case of rabies and was losing its shit, she would have been feeding the collective 'sex is bad' story we all buy into.
That's the kind of shit that will change the world - that's the kind of shit will slowly infiltrate our psyche and transform what we consider 'normal' expression. That kind of shit will move our pleasure away from being something dirty and disturbing that we need to complain about and something beautiful, arousing, inspiring and free.
Please people question these programs that we all agree to and let's set ourselves and each other free by being the change.
One noise complaint, police visit and weird look at a time.
Right so the whipper snipper is still going next door...and I'm off to have a loud orgasm.