I have spent years in the conscious community, workshop, healing bubble.
Creating, leading and being part of spaces very outside of ‘normal’ mainstream society.
Magical rituals and ceremony, spaces which encourage full shameless freedom, spaces which invite total sexual emotional expression, deep sharing, places where there is deep sensitivity and feeling and conscious acknowledgement of what is beneath the surface of the physical world, spaces where there are boundaries and agreements and consent containers at every turn.
Although I am a huge fan of spaces like this and the healing bubble they provide. I also think it is extremely important for true integration to embrace and be part of the world outside the workshop. Both are equally valuable and necessary
Because essentially pretty much everyone is walking around with some level of it yet many of us have not even thought about it.
Think about it...
Your first contact with the world is a deep imprint that stays with you - whether you know it or not it will be affecting your feelings and actions as an adult.
Do you extremely triggered when you perceive others are pressuring you to make a decision?
It’s likely your birth trauma running.
Do you find most of your transitions are stressful and rushed, (getting to work, moving to a new house)?
Yahhh birth trauma.
When you experience anxiety in new unfamiliar situations.
When you just can’t settle or stop or relax and be with yourself.
When you struggle to trust or open with another.
When you can’t seem to finish all those projects you started or get anything off the ground.
Yep - birth trauma alert
A free man is one of the most terrifying things for a woman.
Because once a man becomes free,
He cannot be trained,
He cannot be moulded,
He cannot be controlled.
He cannot manipulated into who we want him to be.
You complain that your man isn’t strong enough,
Doesn’t fuck you hard enough, well enough, or frequently enough,
Isn’t strong or passionate or exciting or masculine enough.
You say you want a King who's established and mature.
But what you aren’t getting is the very thing that would make this man all of that and more…
Is also the very thing that when it truly shows up, will threaten to completely destroy your Disney princess fantasy and christian conditioned matrimonies that are keeping it alive.
And that shit is terrifying.
A man who isn’t dependent on mummy's love,
So starving for her nourishment and so scared of its withdrawal that he will do anything to keep it on tap.
A man who tentatively puts all his desires and needs aside for yours,
the strings of your purse tightening around his balls with every ‘yes dear.’
A free man's integrity is more important to him than his need for your approval.
He loves you, but loves himself more.
I've been pondering leaky sexual energy a lot lately.
The how and why of my own leaks and the leaks of others.
For anyone who's ever been around the spiritual/tantra worlds you have likely experienced what I mean.
Gurus with no professional boundaries. Healers who hold that hug just a few seconds too long. That feeling of playing with another person's (or multiple persons') energy field in a way that feels hooky, dirty, manipulative or just 'off'.
If I had to transmit only one piece of wisdom on the world before I died it would be this.
That no matter what is happening to you right now or has happened to you in the past.
I can absolutely 100 percent guarantee you that your life is absolute fucking magic and poetry.
That in every moment that has and will happen you are constantly being deeply served and loved.
When I had my psychosis 6 years ago I was initiated into this big time.
I was totally cracked open after doing a lot of spiritual work way too fast, went down the altered state rabbit hole and amongst a whole bunch of weird and dark shit that was my psyche trying to process and integrate a lot of undealt with stuff,
I also experienced the full on interconnectedness of all things that has stayed with me since.
I experienced a level of crystal clear awareness of the magic of reality - that every relationship, every word spoken, every physical occurrence that manifested in front of my eyes was intrinsically linked.
I am a very sensitive person which comes with both its gifts and its challenges.
Gift wise - I am tuned in as fuck and extremely sensitive to what is going on for people. I can literally feel and identify often very accurately a persons patterns within a few minutes of talking with them and it makes me a kick ass facilitator and coach because I can really get real with people.
The challenge is, I've really had to learn how to live gracefully in a world that often feels really harsh.
This harshness I experience is because so many of us are so disconnected from what we are feeling and so we walk around emotionally and energetically stabbing each others soft underbellies without even knowing it. Yes at a core level we are all actually deeply tuned in, sensitive and psychically aware of each other, but because many of us at some point chose to disassociate from ourselves because someone else stabbed our underbelly with their own disconnection because someone stabbed them...the cycle of harsh shutdown relating continues.
Often as we open up and more and more, we can find ways of connecting and relating that were perfectly acceptable before suddenly become really painful - that sarcastic comment or jab cant be laughed off or brushed away like it used to because now you can really FEEL it and it hurts.
There are two things you can do in this moment when you can feel someone acting in a way that is stabbing to the heart.
Criticism...It's always gonna happen.
It's why so many people never put themselves out in the world publicly.
Why they are terrified of it and remain silent lurkers and likers on social media, consumers of other peoples creations and offerings but not daring to bring forth their own. The only difference between a public figure who influences and someone that doesn't is the decision to be in the ring, that decision is an edgy scary thing if somewhere in us we are attached to being liked by everyone.
The reality is whatever you do there will always be equal challenge and support in every response.
No matter how beautiful, how high your consciousness is.
How pure your intention, people will disagree, get offended, not like you. there are infinite beliefs, attitudes and experiences on this planet, infinite truths, but unfortunately many of us are so attached and identified with our beliefs and opinions that when you put anything out there for people to see - it's one hundred percent going to move some deeply and trigger the fuck out of others.
For every famous person who has a million fans they have a million haters.
If you want to be a force on the planet, influence many people and make big change the reality that not everyones going to like you MUST be faced and accepted.
When I was 22, on a diagnostic technicality some psychiatrists labelled me officially bi-polar.
The reason being, around that time, I had a full blown psychotic episode that lasted over a month that was not drug induced. According to the DSM (Diagnostic Statistics Manual of Mental disorders) I technically I had to have either schizophrenia or bipolar for this to happen.
So, bipolar it was.
Thankfully I politely told that doctor to shove his label up his ass and after an extremely epic year escaped the mental health system (relatively) unharmed.
That period in my life was full on, it was an opening and a connection to a spiritual, creative, embodied understanding I had never come into contact with, it was a deep processing of some really dark dirty unconscious shit, it was the byproduct of pumping way too much energy through a tiny little body that had no idea how to hold it all.
I honour that experience for everything it gifted me and one of biggest things that got cemented in that time and I am still extremely passionate about is the danger of labelling our emotional nature as an 'illness' or something to 'fix' rather than just being with it and learning from it.
Yes under some kind of 'bible of normal' I was a fucking lunatic and actually still am.
The difference now though is I can generally fully accept and listen to my depth and recognise the cycles of nature within - of light and dark, happy and sad, horrifying and glorious and honour the gifts that I have to go to the depths of feeling all of it. As i grow and mature my ability to be with and manage the fluctuations of myself becomes so much gentler. But I don't think I will ever be considered 'normal' and I actually think the whole concept is a really dangerous one that disconnects us very early on to the depth of who we really are creativity, spiritually, emotionally and psychically.
Have you ever had a woman dance for you?
Dance and grind down the divine for you?
Gifting you with her opening,
Blessing you with her pleasure.
Have you ever?
Have you ever had a woman dance for you?
Setting you free from your mind with the softness of her thighs,
Cumming in service to your consciousness.
In sensual devotion to your depth.
Have you ever?
Have you ever had a woman reveal who you are with her ripple of her flesh?
Every flick of her hair and curve of her hip.
Every inch of her, in service to you.
Have you ever had a woman dance you back home into yourself with her sex?
I just got a complaint from the real estate with "reports of strange noises and activity"
Yes I have sex loudly, We dance and make music and are not afraid to express our sounds of pleasure, pain, excitement and pain in our home.
Why do we live in a society where that is considered 'strange' and not completely fucking healthy and normal?
I've lived in various sex positive communities all over the world where the sounds of your neighbours or housemates pleasure and expression was heard every other day. i would regularly hear moans and screams of delight in my neighbourhood. If it was late and I really needed sleep - earplugs worked wonders, if it was a normal time of the day - I actually really enjoyed it, even found it inspiring!
It was really obvious to me when I came back to live in the 'real world' how very rarely I EVER heard anyone having sex, even when I lived in a tiny apartment with couples above and below me.
Seriously...How does that work?
My guess is people just aren't having it, or when they are doing it very quietly, 'keeping it down' putting a pillow over their mouth or holding their breath and keeping it all in.
When we block our sound we block off the way energy moves through our body. Our pleasure, our pain, our sadness, anger, excitement when we dont let out sound we literally shut ourselves down. When we make sound and make it loud we can allow energy to move through our body and free ourselves up to be fully connected and communicate whats happening in our body.