Over the past ten years I’ve been working deeply in the conscious sexuality fields.
I’ve worked as a seduction and pick up coach for men, as a tantric bodyworker, I lived in the centre of a BDSM kink community and a tantric yoga community. I created what at the time was Australia biggest residential sexuality festival called Sex Camp and attended various other sexuality events and offerings held by others, I have held space for thousands of women and men in the erotic initiation experience Dancing Eros.
I have created, I’ve done hundreds of private coaching sessions with people in this area..
Yep I reckon over the past decade I’ve been directly and intimately able to witness and be part of thousands and thousands of peoples embodiment and relationship to their sexuality.
Over this time I’ve become extremely finessed at tracking the energetics of intimacy, sexual expression and energy. It’s become one of my areas of mastery for sure.
It has been an absolute privilege to witness a level of beauty, healing and freedom in human beings that is beyond what most people could ever dream is possible.
It's what I've continually been an advocate for with this type of work and I still am.
At the same time though, something I have been less inclined to really name is the absolutely epic levels of distortions that exist in the sexual liberation communities and the greater world at large.
For some of you what I’m about to say may seem overly conservative, puritanical and judgemental; especially those of you that are still of the narrative that “all sexual expression is beautiful and we shouldn’t shame it, everyone is free to express how they like and all of it is sacred” etc
However these days..I tend to disagree.
What I have experienced over the years is that sexual purity is RARE as fuck and is desperately needed to restore health to humanity.
When I say purity I mean sex that is free from distortion, conditioned programs, disassociations and collective or personal traumas that have kinked out our nervous systems and perverted the innocence and beautiful naturalness of our sex.
By purity I mean sex that is deeply connected to the heart.
By purity I mean sex as an expression of love.
Sex is a deeply intimate act, to have someone inside of you, to be inside of someone, to open and let go and reveal and bond ourselves with each other in the deepest way possible.
Sex from this place of sensitivity and true safety is one of the most jaw dropping, holy things to experience in another and in yourself, it will make you cry, it will totally change who you are and take you to states of bliss, wonder and awe that bring you to your knees in trembling worship at the beauty and the blessing of your incarnations potential.
Yet the amount of people actually experiencing that is rare.
Instead overt sex is everywhere, selling everything, billboards. magazines, the music industry and movies. The conditioning is so deep and so rife supporting others to continually numb out the heart, desensitize from the true vulnerability of sex and violate and objectify themselves and each other in subtle and not so subtle ways.
Sex has been phenomenally cheapened by the western world by being treated with so much frivolous lightness that it has now lost its true value and our society is like this lust obsessed monster that’s just gone off the rails. Starting early for many; with the rush to lose our virginity and get laid, to get to 4th base or swipe right our way to the next conquest.
Perhaps it is all a societal swing back reaction from christianity, religion and the Victorian era that made us all out to be dirty, sinful creatures so we are now trying to rebel and reclaim our power that was suppressed back then.
But like any reaction it’s still not really integrated or healthy in its expression. Whether it’s under active or over active the truth is it still hasn’t found balance.
This is not just a mainstream thing either but is wildly present in a lot of the sexual liberation movements too.
I’ve witnessed so many things over the years that were in the name of ‘sexual freedom’ but just looked like the same distorted shit in a different outfit to me.
I’ve witnessed deeply avoidant dissociative behaviours being disguised in the name of polyamory, open relating and sex parties.
I’ve witnessed Tantra teachers who are really just hardcore sex addicts acting in deeply predatory ways with their students.
I’ve witnessed women dance with so much distorted, sex kitten, child abuse programming you can’t even feel them breathing its like they are possessed.
I’ve witnessed people beating or whipping each other so hard that they bleed in the name of ecstasy and turn on.
I’ve had a man ask me to donate my faeces to him because this was his sexual desire to eat them despite him needing to take medication afterwards because he would get sick.
and much more…
And over the years I’ve had to ask myself..
Is all of this really healthy?
Is all of this really an act of love?
Is this really supporting us to heal and become whole and healthy humans?
Please know I am not saying any of this to shame anyone…I get we are all collectively trying to work our way to wholeness always and everyone has their path to that.
But when we have a culture that has a philosophy that believes;
"ALL IS WELCOME"
"EVERY DESIRE CAN BE CATERED FOR"
"WE ARE ALL SO FREE AND LIBERATED"
When actually those very desires are leaving you sick, bleeding, bruised, empty, broken or lonely...
Well I think we have to check ourselves.
If I'm honest, these days the whole over sexualised liberation culture turns me right off.
I’ve been there and done that.
Funny enough in my super ‘liberated’ days I also got severe bladder infections every few weeks (hmm could that have perhaps been my body telling me that I wasn’t actually in total alignment with that kind of sex with strangers ’freedom’?)
I also get a sense there is a shift happening in the psyche of the collective around this right now too.
One way this is being reflected is in this sudden explosion of attention on protecting children from sexualisation and abuse (the trafficking stuff, cuties, etc)
This is a very real issue to be faced within our society on many different levels.
Personally I believe the deepest systemic way we will actually be able to stop this being a thing and to be able to guide and support our children's sexuality in an integrated way is if we do our own healing work on our INNER CHILDREN.
To save ourselves from the abuse we are putting ourselves through every time we fuck someone we don’t love or push or rush ourselves to be erotic too soon, every time we participate in a conditioned distortion or over sexualisation that has been implanted into us.
If you are continually violating your own innocence how do you expect to be someone who can protect the innocence of others?
If we can learn to become so attuned to our own nervous systems and cultivate safety of the heart and body in sex then we will all become natural guides and educators for the next generation and know exactly how to skilfully support our children to be safe, empowered and healthy in their sexuality - because we are.
Sexual energy is a HUGE FORCE and huge powerful forces of energy need to be treated with the greatest reverence and respect as they have the power to radically transform us in positive or negative ways.
Most of the time when I engage with people personally and professionally I experience such a rush and a push, such a rush to get to the kiss or get to the next base or get to the final goal, to get to the action.
I used to be like this too, I used to base my worth in my sex, I was in the race to lose my virginity alongside all my friends, I used to think there was something ‘wrong’ if i wasn’t having sex all the time. I used to ask my ex partner for it harder and faster and stronger all the time because I was so desensitised from my body I thought that intensity was what i really needed to feel anything.
The more I have come into my heart and have released trauma from my body the more I recognise I actually need to go slow.
I need the build up.
I need the safety and connection and love to be there to access the depths that are possible.
To really unfurl all the deliciousness inside of me and share that with another.
So much is lost when we rush, when we leave our inner children behind and over sexualise ourselves and each other and go too fast.
Restoring sexual purity and innocence is not about rejecting the primal wildness, passion and rawness that is an amazing aspect of our sexual expression, but about slowing down enough that this intensity and passion births from a place of deep safety, care and reverence for the sacred miracle of life so all our sex becomes a prayer of devotion to each other.
Call me frigid,
call me delusional,
call me precious or a puritan.
But I’ve seen and experienced too much to hold any other position anymore.
Not in the the name of permission
not in the name of freeing myself or others from shame or guilt or oppression.
Not in the name of lightening up, getting off or just having a bit of fun.
Sex without love can suck a dick.
... or not.
True sexual liberation is an innocent, pure, beautiful, natural and organic expression of love.
I am here to serve and embody nothing less than this for myself and others.
Written in deepest respect to all our unique journeys in this path.
May we all find our way home to this;
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