 If I had to transmit only one piece of wisdom on the world before I died it would be this.
That no matter what is happening to you right now or has happened to you in the past. I can absolutely 100 percent guarantee you that your life is absolute fucking magic and poetry. That in every moment that has and will happen you are constantly being deeply served and loved. When I had my psychosis 6 years ago I was initiated into this big time. I was totally cracked open after doing a lot of spiritual work way too fast, went down the altered state rabbit hole and amongst a whole bunch of weird and dark shit that was my psyche trying to process and integrate a lot of undealt with stuff, I also experienced the full on interconnectedness of all things that has stayed with me since. I experienced a level of crystal clear awareness of the magic of reality - that every relationship, every word spoken, every physical occurrence that manifested in front of my eyes was intrinsically linked.  When I was 22, on a diagnostic technicality some psychiatrists labelled me officially bi-polar.
The reason being, around that time, I had a full blown psychotic episode that lasted over a month that was not drug induced. According to the DSM (Diagnostic Statistics Manual of Mental disorders) I technically I had to have either schizophrenia or bipolar for this to happen. So, bipolar it was. Thankfully I politely told that doctor to shove his label up his ass and after an extremely epic year escaped the mental health system (relatively) unharmed. That period in my life was full on, it was an opening and a connection to a spiritual, creative, embodied understanding I had never come into contact with, it was a deep processing of some really dark dirty unconscious shit, it was the byproduct of pumping way too much energy through a tiny little body that had no idea how to hold it all. I honour that experience for everything it gifted me and one of biggest things that got cemented in that time and I am still extremely passionate about is the danger of labelling our emotional nature as an 'illness' or something to 'fix' rather than just being with it and learning from it. Yes under some kind of 'bible of normal' I was a fucking lunatic and actually still am. The difference now though is I can generally fully accept and listen to my depth and recognise the cycles of nature within - of light and dark, happy and sad, horrifying and glorious and honour the gifts that I have to go to the depths of feeling all of it. As i grow and mature my ability to be with and manage the fluctuations of myself becomes so much gentler. But I don't think I will ever be considered 'normal' and I actually think the whole concept is a really dangerous one that disconnects us very early on to the depth of who we really are creativity, spiritually, emotionally and psychically.  Have you ever had a woman dance for you?
Dance and grind down the divine for you? Gifting you with her opening, Blessing you with her pleasure. Have you ever? Have you ever had a woman dance for you? Setting you free from your mind with the softness of her thighs, Cumming in service to your consciousness. In sensual devotion to your depth. Have you ever? Have you ever had a woman reveal who you are with her ripple of her flesh? Every flick of her hair and curve of her hip. Every inch of her, in service to you. Have you ever had a woman dance you back home into yourself with her sex?  What triggers the fuck out of you?
You know what I mean... you're scrolling through your newsfeed and a post from that person pops up. You want to be cool with it, but instead you have a desire to vomit in your mouth a little, throw something at the computer, or at the very least 'hide' them from coming up in your feed EVER again. It could be a celebration of their latest business success, a photo of them and their partner on their lovers’ weekend away, or just a statement that really pushes your buttons - your response ranges from minor annoyance that grates on the skin of your soul to total outrage and disgust. Say hello to your shadow! The shadow is the repressed, unexpressed, unacknowledged, unowned parts of yourself. Our shadow lives in the place which triggers us, the person who activates us - causing us to feel jealous, threatened, annoyed or pissed off, that person/place/thing that we work really hard to avoid - that's where our shadow lives. The ultimate reality is that we have every single quality inside of us: we are never light and not dark, happy and not sad, generous and not selfish. We are all of it. Our only suffering comes when we reject something inside of us. Our shadow is what keeps us in the illusion of separateness that I am that, but not that - I call bullshit. |
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