This is a picture of me 5 hours after I had just taken myself through one of the most profound healing processes of my life.
Earlier that morning I had been on all fours feeling like I was going to vomit, making sounds that resembled something between a dying animal and a screaming child and far from the butterfly lightness and joy I was experiencing when this photo was taken.
I had woken up that morning with something deep stirring in my heart.
I wasn’t sure what it was, but I felt that feeling of something being off; there was a bit of anxiety and uneasiness in my body and my mind was agitated.
As I rode my bike down to the beach and curiously began checking inside myself what was going on.
Soon enough, I could feel it all beginning to bubble up, tears started to flow and it started to become clearer what was going on and that something big was coming to the surface to be healed.
As I rode, I let this part of me speak, hearing exactly what it was saying and feeling without judgement.
I let that part of me bawl and wail all the way to the beach before finding a spot by the ocean to continue the process.
What then transpired was about an hour or more of the most healing and profound self guided sessions I’ve ever had.
Realisations of patterns I have had for my entire life revealing themselves, shadows I had no idea were there letting themselves be known, things I’d never felt being expressed, new healthy parts coming on board, new ways of being anchored.
When I finished I felt different on all levels, like a complete rearranging had happened inside of myself and I had this deep inner knowing and awareness that things would never be the same again.
I literally high fived myself when I got home for my capacity and ability to be able to do that for myself. To be able to facilitate that level of healing and change in my own being.
I used to be a bit judgemental of the whole “healing” thing despite very much taking part in it for the past ten years, I think in some way I secretly feared it was just this never ending navel gazing, self indulgent process that had no end and was just a way to make money off each other.
Yet as I write this today, after years of doing the work.
I am finally getting to the point where I genuinely feel whole, happy and balanced in myself 95 percent of the time.
Sure things still come up, but my capacity to use the tools I have to move through what’s there as I did on Monday, is fast, smooth and effective.
The other beef I had with the term healing was that I felt it somehow pointed to the fact that myself or others were broken.
And while the reality is yes at our true essence and core we are pure and complete, we sadly live in a society and culture that has broken us in many ways or have grown up in environments and had experiences that have fucked us up and that can’t be denied.
Now than ever I look around at the world and I see the desperate need for deep deep healing.
I see so many hurt people acting out in pain, so much trauma and wounding that is resulting in people turning on themselves or each other.
People who don’t have the tools to feel, the ability to hold themselves, to cognitively work through their issues or be with their bodies at all, people who have zero connection to something beyond themselves and an ability to receive the loving support that is available to them from other humans or other realms.
If we are dissatisfied with the current state of the world and want to be part of creating a a new earth then we better be willing to embody that frequency in ourselves first.
And that my friends, requires HEALING.
I believe that healing is possible and it is a profoundly worthy endeavour to take.
We all deserve to live feeling whole, happy, complete within ourselves and when we do that ripples out to all the people, places and things we come into contact with.
Healing is powerful.
And I am here for it.
I am here for that in myself,
I’m here for that in others.
And that is why I am now proud to say that I am a healer.
It’s been an absolute honour to return to 1:1 healing work over the past six months and be part of people’s healing journeys, to witness humans capacity to transform and to fully embrace this as one of the gift that I can give the world has been amazing.
Today I want to honour myself and all the healers who have and continue to do the work on themselves to then be wayshower for others.
Today I want to celebrate the power of healing.
I also want to share for anyone who may be struggling and need to hear it;
Do not be ashamed of your desire and need for healing, in a world that has broken you.
It’s okay to need that support, it is not self indulgent but actually extremely wise to recognise you need to actually do the work on yourself before you can give to others in a way that is healthy and sustainable.
We are all doing what we need to to come home to ourselves and remember who we are and it is vital to be of any use, especially in these times.
You’re doing amazing.
I love you.
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“How are you able to be so compassionate and loving with yourself?”
I asked this question of a particularly gentle friend of mine over breakfast one morning, curious how he had come to hold such a space of love for himself.
“Well I’ve made a lot of mistakes, hurt a lot of people and done a lot of stupid shit in my life, so to be honest it was either learn that skill or kill myself”
Woah.. The truth of his words blew me away in that moment and they came back to me this morning as I sat reflecting on areas where my own ignorance or naivety has unknowingly caused harm to others and what I would like to begin to do about that.
I know many of us are going through this right now, and we will continue to do because to uncover what we did not see before is part of evolution and growth.
To become aware of our limitations, blindness and unconscious behaviours as well as fully acknowledging their impact can be painful, uncomfortable AF and heartbreaking to face and to feel despite how important it is.
Yet what is equally important is how we treat ourselves in that process.
If the awareness of your wrongs ends up with you hating yourself and spiralling into punishment and cruelty then I think we have to ask what good did it really do?
We can powerfully wake up and atone without beating ourselves up for what has been and turning our new awareness into a big fat stick that we flagellate ourselves (or others) with.
So keep doing the work people, keep uncovering the shadows, exposing your wounds, recognising where you’ve been unconscious or out of integrity and recognise what needs to now change.
It is big and important work.
But remember to do it with love.
Because awareness without compassion is a dangerous thing.
You did the best you could with what you knew.
And now you can do better.
God is a dominant.
A deeply loving sexy as fuck dominant.
Who continually whispers in my ear all the plans he has in store for me,
All the things he’s going to do to me.
And it makes me feel
God is a loving dominant.
Who looks deep into my eyes and says,
"This is what we are going to do next”
Pinning me down with so much presence that I am rendered speechless.
Yet even though I know surrendering is the only way,
and by doing so i’m about to be taken way over my edge into new tastes and states
Even though I know a whole world awaits.
Some days, I’m still terrified by his commands.
wriggle out of his hold
and go at it alone.
Yet deep down I know
If I can just trust his direction,
If I can just breath through my fear,
Remind myself that he is on my side,
that we are a team,
That he wants more for me than i could even dream,
Sees a life for me that is beyond what I could ever imagine.
Then as another wise man once said - Oh the places we will go!
I say yes,
I get down on my knees
Bow my head in respect
I get on all fours
and open my legs.
I become his instrument
In service to the beyond
I allow him to take me in whatever way he wants.
I submit myself
to the will of
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When we trust that we are an intimately and intricately connected to and part of the greater whole,
then there is no need to violate universal law.
Sneaky manoeuvres to try to gain power and control are not needed,
When we realise love can never be destroyed, bought or sold.
Yet many right now are sure they know how things will turn out.
What is the right or wrong way or the appropriate plan of attack.
Righteously banging on about what they want or don’t want.
All just freaked out inner children attempting to play god.
Until we let go of our false sense of security we will continue to need to manipulate and dominate in order to feel safety.
Yet that will never satisfy or nourish this need, because any successes achieved or gifts received through this distorted method simply cannot sustainably flourish from that kind of seed.
Because the very ground it has sprouted from is steeped in a soil full of fear and confusion, a tragic scarcity based illusion and a profound disconnection from the true cyclical nature of our evolution.
This remembering is deeply exposing because it takes us back to the helplessness and fragility that is at the core of our human existence and all the places inside of us where we are in still in major resistance.
Still trying to hold on and have it all our way.
Still thinking we are immortal that can control our fate.
Still desperate to not face our inevitable death and decay.
Deeply disconnected from the greater ecosystem that has something very different to say.
The molecular structure of control and manipulation is coded with primal survival fears and a lack of consecration to loves continuous presence despite the current manifestation.
Whether it be deeply heartwarming or completely horrifying recognising whatever is happening is a part of life’s sacred unfolding.
This inability to recognise the yin/yang, death/rebirth cycle doing its thing causes us humans to always try to ‘do our bit’ and step in.
This rampant use of control and manipulation requires some serious reconsideration as it is completely f* king with what is natural and sacred.
And this isn’t about pointing fingers, deciding who is the enemy trying to take our power away.
But about considering maybe none of us were ever meant to believe we had so much in the first place.
Maybe we are all guilty of believing we were more infallible than we ever really were.
And it’s time to get humble, bow down and listen to her.
Letting the personal ego-ic desires fall apart and fade away, as we curl up in the great mother’s arms and let ourselves feel the depth of our grief all the way.
Opening up wide and letting ourselves surrender and fall.
As we simultaneously say yes to our role in the collective consciousness shift taking place for us all.
And where to start?
How do we get through?
I mean it feels so overwhelming right?
What do we do?
Take everything online?
Cash in our money for gold?
Expose the deep state powers that be?
A broken system is failing for sure and there’s a scrambling from many to keep it alive.
Yet maybe the answer is to just let the current system die.
The world was doing just fine before we arrived, and it will continue to do so once we’ve all said goodbye.
Im not being nihilistic either, it’s total possible we can thrive and survive, all the solutions are all available right now written in nature’s design.
In indigenous wisdom, in ancient ways; sustainable regeneration is absolutely possible if we were really willing to change.
There’s no way this will happen though if we don’t each individually do our part.
Cause when we still hold the same frequency of manipulation and control inside of ourselves we’ll keep feeding a system that’s destroying us fast.
Now more than ever our inner work is a priority.
As we prepare for the inevitable chaos that is coming for society.
Who do you want be when the world as we know it is ending?
This is the question right now that requires our deepest tending.
So perhaps take some time with yourself while you are locked down in isolation at home.
Look at all the controlling places deep inside of YOU that always desperately need to know.
All the ways YOU manipulate to feel powerful and safe, All the ways YOU run from chaos or try to get your own way.
Look at all the ways you fear death and want a sure thing.
Look at the ways you’ve been trying to hold it all together and desperately cling.
Look at all the ways you want to blame and shame.
Face all the parts of you that have been playing the same game.
Cleanse all of that out and let your own molecules rearrange.
Return to the purity and innocence that Is your natural state.
Because no matter what happens next, If we do the inner work we can trust.
That a new world IS birthing And its starting inside of us.
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Im not too proud to admit.
It’s sometimes scary being a single woman in these times.
Under no mans protection,
With only yourself or the government to provide.
To be alone as a woman,
when there is so much unknown.
Wondering when the end of the world comes,
Will I be all alone?
I’m not too proud to admit.
Sometimes I feel vulnerable as fuck.
Sometimes my whole system gets paralysed in overwhelm and I feel frozen and stuck.
I’ve done work in sovereignty,
On inner union and self love.
But at times like these I just really need a man hug.
Strong arms to surround me and hold me,
And tell me it's all going to be okay.
To have someone to lean on when it’s been a really hard day.
There’s some part of my animal body that knows this isn’t right.
Like I’m in this continual subtle sense of fight or flight.
Even just hearing a mans voice right now,
My body relaxes and gets soft.
Like there’s some subtle chemical hormones that know he’s got something I haven’t got.
I don’t care what the spiritual people say,
That I’m not meant to need a man.
That there must be more work to do,
because I’m feeling this way.
I’m not too proud to admit,
That sometimes I feel incomplete.
Making all my own decisions
It’s an exhausting feat.